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…is so funny. i was just cleaning out my old emails and I found this…how sweet is my older broski?! he knows how much i miss my kitties when i’m away for whatever reason…what a nice thing to come in to work to!!
From: Bucky_Nevils
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2007 9:23 AM
To: Janette Nevils
Subject: Good morning..
This morning Apollo asked me “Bucky… meowwww…” I said “yes Apollo” ”Meowwww Meowww.. Where’s Janette….Meowww” I told him that you were house sitting for his friend Sammy. He said “Meowww what a nice thing to do Meooowww. When meowww is she going to come back? Meowww” I said well, she might be coming by tonight for a BBQ with Tara and Liz and Vinny” He got really excited. Said “Meowww I really hope so… cause I miss her Meowww”
And then… all the kitties said “Meowww meoww.. we all miss her!”
And then Apollo said “Meow Thank you for giving me my medicine today bucky Meoww!” I said “I’m glad to do it Mr. Apollo, I hope it makes you feel much better” And then.. I gave them treats.. and then they thanked me. 
I’m sure I am not the only person who does this…in fact, I know I’m not…because I watch people do it all the time. Anyway…do you ever come across someone who is so inconsiderate that it just makes your blood boil? When you commute with millions of people every day…its bound to happen. Well, this lady really irked me last night, but sadly…I enjoyed the whole episode.
I’m walking to the subway on 53/3 and this tiny woman keeps dashing in and out of people, speeding up and slowing down. I’m thinking…stupid tiny mongrel, get to where you are going already so you are out of the way of us normal folk. She disappears.
So I get to the subway…make my way down to the platform, its a little more crowded than usual, but not bad. I have a very particular spot I like to stand in while I’m waiting for the train. I have one in every station that I go to, that perfect spot. It usually ensures that I am in the best spot to 1. Avoid as many people as possible while awaiting the train. 2. Avoid as many people as possible while on the train. 3. Be in the best spot to get out of the train while ahead of the crowds, to avoid as many people as possible. Yes, my ultimate goal is to avoid as many people as possible while getting where I’m going quick like lightning (I walk very fast).
Anyway, back to the platform, there were a few more people than usual in my perfect spot, but not that many. So I’m waiting and along comes the tiny woman. Where does she decide to stand? RIGHT in front of me… I could smell the stench coming off of her hair, that is how close her head was to my nose. Not kidding. She could have stood 1ft in front of me, 1ft to either side of me, 1ft behind me…and it would have been ok, still close, but bearable. But no…tiny woman insists on standing RIGHT in front of me, with foul hair. Needless to say, I’m pissed…psycho tiny woman is clogging my nostrils with her funk. I think about it…what is the best maneuver at this stage? Low and behold, I didn’t have to think long…the E train comes…I’m hoping its her train, but no, I’m not that lucky.
One of the reasons this particular spot is so perfect is because it is the best spot to be 1st in line for the door of the V train but out of the way of the door on the E train, well, tiny woman was in the way of the E train…so she has no choice but to move, and of course, she couldn’t avoid my foot in the process. She gets shoulder checked a few times…I giggle.
Now, here is where I should have let it go…but I couldn’t, sometimes I just cannot resist making a fool out of people. The E train leaves, she gets a hold of herself, I step right in front of her. “Harrumph” she says. I giggle. The V train is on its way, now since I stepped in front of her after her debacle I’m no longer in the perfect spot…but I’m closer than she is. The funnier part to me, is that she thinks she is in the perfect spot because that is where the E train door opened…so she steps to the right of me, an inch away, my shoulder to the top of tiny woman’s squalid hair. The V train arrives and the door passes her and stops perfectly to the left of me, I turn so that my back is now facing her, and I’m in the perfect location again so that I can let the others off the train and be the first on…she says “Harrumph”. Give it up tiny smelly haired woman, today…I won.
I have been perusing the internet all day today while I pretend to work…thank god it is close to 4…which means it is close to 5…and then I can get the heck out of here!! It really sucks having NOTHING to do while you sit at your desk for 8 hours a day. You want to look like you are doing something though because most of your company has been laid off and you dont want to be next…though no one in the office is really doing much of anything so it doesntreally matter…but still, you dont want to be singled out. Anyway…so I was catching up on some reading of one of my favorite’s, Jack Grey. The man is hilarious. I laugh out loud every time I read one of his blogs, which probably doesnt contribute much to my “I’m working, really” disguise. So, I just wanted to share this story…its funny…if you don’t laugh you really do suck and shouldn’t be reading my blog anyway. Shoo.
Posted: 06:35 PM ET
Jack Gray
AC360° Associate Producer
I didn’t think anything could possibly make the pilot who brought that engineless jetliner in for a perfect landing on the Hudson River any cooler. That was until I learned his name is Chesley B. Sullenberger III.
Unless you’re Roland Burris and you’ve spent the past 24 hours focused on recording your Senate office voicemail and wondering where all those reporters went, you know that Captain Sullenberger – “Sully” to his friends and the citizens of South Boston – is our newest national hero. A genuine national hero who deserves his time in the limelight. Unlike some people. Joe the Plumber, I’m looking in your direction.
Anyway, Captain Sullenberger is the real deal. The Clint Eastwood of commercial aviation. I picture him up in the cockpit of that US Airways plane yesterday, realizing he’s lost both engines. He takes a drag off his Marlboro and growls, “not on my watch.”
He’s the kind of pilot who I imagine, while checking the sinking aircraft for any remaining passengers, stops to wrestle a crocodile.
The kind of pilot who I imagine climbs out onto the wing, reaches into that engine turbine, pulls out that goose carcass, looks it in the eye and says “I’ll see you in Hell.”
In fact I was so impressed by the way he brought that plane down that I might even splurge on US Airways for my next trip. You see, I tend to fly on those discount airlines that go in-and-out of business; the ones where the pilots have names like Captain Skippy and the safety videos are in Slovakian.
Meanwhile, amidst this drama in the skies, the peaceful transition of power is fast approaching. President-elect Obama is busy polishing his Inaugural Address and President Bush is busy filling his suitcase with those little bottles of White House shampoo.
President Bush, as you know, made his farewell address to the nation last night. He stuck mostly to the theme of keeping American safe. And, in a nod to the day’s events in New York, he urged citizens not to be deterred from flying. How did he put it? Oh yes, “we must not let the geese win.”
Frankly, this whole thing just screams Dick Cheney. His two biggest priorities are national security and killing birds.
In fact, the next time I take a flight I want Chesley B. Sullenberger III behind the controls and Cheney strapped to the nose of the plane with his elephant gun.
And a whiskey before takeoff.
just received this via email…perfect timing, i needed a good laugh. enjoy.
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women – she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.’
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put
a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least………
15.. October 23 : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’
u know who u r who will like this…
said girl to boy “so i was like, i mean come on, i must of filled an entire jug of milk by now!”
said boy to girl “was that before of after the chicken?”
We had our wonderful office holiday party the other night…and what did we do? Bowl. Its fun, the bowling. I actually took a bowling class in high school (yes, you heard me right, a bowling class, and I got credit for it). But apparently, bowling presents a very strenuous activity on the butt. I cannot remember the last time my butt was soar. I mean, my god…it hurts. Who knew bowling was actually a physical fitness sport!! Amazing. You learn something new every day. So, if you’re ever lookin for a good way to tone up that behind…go bowling! It works wonders!
today is a day that i should never have left the house. you know i didn’t get to work until 1045 this morning? thats right, 1045… and what in the world happened to me to make it in at 1045 when i should have been here by 9? well, let me tell you.
scooping poop is a daily chore for me…it comes with the territory of owning four cats. i dont mind scooping poop. what i do mind is running the poop bag to the basement every morning in the freezing cold. so i’m doin my daily run this morning, its freezing, and still slightly raining after the torrential downpour of the last two days, i bump open the door and jump into the basement to escape the rain…what do i find? my foot in a very cold puddle of water. thats right, torrential rain = basement flooded. it wasn’t bad…we’ve had much worse…but of course i had to step in it. so, i go tell my brother and we go wet vac the basement. all hunkidori.
since we called in late to work we take our time and eventually leave the house…as we are walking to the street the bus stops on, it passes…damn it! 1 minute earlier, we would have had it… oh well, nothin to do but wait. and wait. and, holy cow, another 87. its a miracle, the 87 is like a ghost…it never appears when you want it to, this is good. so…we are sittin on the bus. and sittin on the bus. i look out the window and by god, we have not moved. we sat on that dang bus for 40 minutes!! its a 10 minute bus ride. ugh.
i had good timing with the path train…i made it right on it, no problems. whew! i thought my bad luck was gone. then i get to 33 street…and i’m waiting for my train to get there (yes, i take 3 modes of transportation to work), and holy shit…an enormous rat the size of my head RUNS ACROSS MY FOOT. i’m not kidding. ok, maybe it wasn’t as large as my head…but the stupid thing was huge. this is life getting back at me for me making fun of people who get squeamish around rats. i think they are cute (yes, cute). but not when they come out of nowhere and run over your foot!! he must have smelt the dirty basement water on my foot. thank god my train came right after that or he might have hung out with me for a while. maybe i’d have a new friend for my 4 cats.
so…i’m sittin on the train…we go from stop to stop and at 47/50th street we just sit there. the doors are open…no one is moving…then, all of a sudden everyone rushes for the door. its a good thing i was too late for rush hour, i would have been trampled. anyway…i figure at this point i should probably get off. there is either a) a bomb or b) the train is not going where we want it to go. it was option b (possibly mixed with option a…i still dont know what the “earlier incident” was). so…all these idiots are like OMG…what do i do?? where do i go?? how do i get to where i need to be when the train isn’t running?? i am such a smug idiot i jump on the next train so i can hop across the track at the next stop, get on that train, and go where i want to go. i don’t tell anyone…i get a kick out of watching them try to figure it out. i know, i’m an ass.
well… we get to the next stop and i’m supposed to literally turn around, and get the train across the track. but for some reason… i don’t. i think i’m wrong. i think i need to go downtown instead of up (mind you, i’ve done this a dozen times before, why the confusion? no clue…probably too much poking fun of people). so i go to the downtown track. i get on. i get off at the next stop. this isn’t right. i need to go uptown. fuck. i can’t go uptown here w/out using my metro card again. and yes, i am that cheap that i refuse to pay the additional $2 to set myself in the right direction…i wait for the next downtown train. for 10 minutes. i get on again. i get off at the next stop.
by now i’m at Port Authority and its way beyond the time i was supposed to be at work. i contemplate hoping a bus a Port Authority and going back home…but, i called out yesterday…for no reason. i just couldn’t stand to go in to work that day. so…i finally hop the uptown train, get on the right track, and head to work. what a friggin trek.
the mega is up to like $300M tonight…i think i’m gonna buy a ticket on my way home. you never know…maybe tomorrow i’ll be a millionaire and not have to deal with stupid days like today. but more likely than not, i’ll be telling you some other idiotic story next week. peace out and have a SUPER weekend.
I’m so proud of New Yorkers today. I feel like my world, typically inhabited by superbly incompetent beings has for once, turned itself around and redeemed its glamorous qualities.
Have you ever purchased a new coat? It’s a ritual performed by anyone living in a cold society on a yearly basis. You venture out, you explore the many styles in the various shops and boutiques. And then you see it. You see it on the rack, and its beautiful. You try it on and you look, well…hot. And looking hot when it is freezing cold and wind is whipping your face around every corner and you have tears/snot/and other various bodily fluids leaking from your profusely is an ideal fantasized about by any New Yorker who is looking to appear confident and savvy. Which, lets face it… anyone living in New York strives for this ideal in one way or another. No need to be abashed, that is why we live in New York City, to be noticed.
So, you get the coat, you bring it home, you put it on and swirl around and gaze at your stunning self in the mirror. You take the tags off. You peel off the stickers. You cut the stitches that are holding a) the pockets together and b) the slit in the back together. What? What you say? What is this stitch you speak of? Well, turns out that an alarmingly large group of people do not know about this stitch. If you purchase your coat from any decent store it likely has a stitch holding the slit in the back of the coat, and often the pockets as well, together. This is done in order to display the coat properly. When it is hanging from a hanger it looks more appealing when those items are stitched together. They are not meant to stay that way. How anyone could not notice the big burnt orange, or red, or blue X on the back of their black coat is beyond me. But oh, they do. I see it EVERY day walking down the streets of New York.
My favorite is when I see those girls who look like they stepped out of the pages of Vogue strutting down the street like its their own personal cat walk and as they pass, you have to look, you just have too…because 9 times out of 10, that damn little stitch is still there on their coat. I almost pee myself with glee every time I see that. These girls…they think they are so amazingly representing the fashion world when in reality, if they really knew about fashion that would be the first thing they did when they got their coat home, along with taking the friggin tags off the coat.
But, alas, its not just those girls…its everyone. I’ve taken to carrying around a little pair of scissors in my pocket. I go up to people and say “Excuse me, did you know that stitch is to be cut? What stitch? That stitch on the back of your coat that is holding your slit together. Here, let me get it…I happen to have a pair of scissors right here. Oh no, please, don’t thank me. Its my civic duty.” Ok, you got me. I don’t really do this… but GOD, I want to. Badly. It replays in my head over and over, every time I see a poor soul with their slit oddly stuck together at the end with that damn stitch. Maybe I have an advantage, I mean my mother is like the master seamstress…but really, I think its just common sense.
So, with all this drama…why am I so proud of New Yorkers today? I did not see one person on my way to work that had their stitch intact. Maybe they had a friend tell them about the stitch. Maybe they just are not purchasing new coats due to the economy. But I have to hope, beyond all hope, that just maybe, people are getting smarter. High hopes I know, but I’m going to live in that little blissful state in my mind today because if people are getting smarter…watch out world! Who knows what is next for us, maybe we will learn how to walk down the streets without slamming into each other, maybe we will even go so far as to save the world! Only time will tell.
I received this anonymous email today… I swear, I have no idea who it is from!! Although I did make some wonderful bean soup last night and shared it with some superbly wonderful people in my life. Hmm.
It’s good, very good, but I tell you the orchestra that has been popping out of me has been very interesting. I was thinking early that each bean has a different sound, for instance the big lima bean looking one is like a base drum and the black eyed peas are a mix of the slide trombone and the flute while the black beans are like the French horn! If I could only sell this orchestra sound, I could make millions!! J
